Oppo should start a car company

"Shmevans" (icantdriveanyslower)
03/05/2016 at 00:47 • Filed to: None

Wobbles the Mind and I have been discussing this extensively over 3 or 4 messages and have decided that with the combined know-how of Opponauts we could be the next (better) Local Motors. Seriously though if you think about it, there have been worse ideas, probably.

Please list out your skills/qualifications/experience below and we’ll see what gaps we need to fill when the dust settles. You will be paid in a combination of American, British, European and Canadian currencies (American Dollars, British Pounds, European Euros, Canadian THGC’s*).

Let’s just put it this way, you’re probably already hired but HR requires this process. It’s just a formality, really. As an added bonus, all employees are also official test drivers.

We’ll need everything from fabricators to marketers to accountants to designers to engineers to sales people.

*Tim Horton’s Gift Cards

I’ll get the ball rolling:

Design/Marketing - B. Eng. Aerospace, 4 years marketing at Mercedes-Benz Canada

DISCUSSION (80)

Toby F., Manager > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 00:53

I pitched this idea to some degree a year or two ago. Anyways, I can be HR [director] (I’m in school for it now), and/or the professional [racing] driver/tester.

d15b > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 00:54

Advertising & Marketing, Automotive Category:

* Media Planning for Mitsubishi/Kia/Infiniti (USA)

* Marketing Program Management for Mazda/BMW (USA)

phenotyp > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 00:54

It’s been talked about before. Link I’m looking for is sometime around early 2013.

Qualifications: Dude knows his shit.

Mercedes Streeter > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 00:55

Director of IT - Soon to complete AS Network Systems Administration, 4 years Level I & Level II Help Desk.

I desire all of my salary payments to be made in Trump Steaks and clumps of snow from one of Earth’s poles.

MountainRoadPhysicist > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 00:56

Physics/Materials Science - not quite an engineer, but share a similar skillset. I also live at the base of Pikes Peak if you are looking to test cars on a hill climb course!

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 00:57

Ill be the unpaid highschool intern!

Shmevans > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 00:57

So what you’re saying is that the business plan has already been written up? We’re halfway there and only 4 comments into the company’s history. This is easy, what were all those bailouts for??

Shmevans > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S.
03/05/2016 at 00:58

You are super hired. BUT if you drop out of school now, you can gain even more valuable work experience. Something to think about.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 00:59

Qualifications: I like cars

d15b > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S.
03/05/2016 at 01:00

You always need one of those in any successful endeavor!

d15b > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:00

I would love to be own a sleazeball dealership holding company.

Shmevans > Mercedes Streeter
03/05/2016 at 01:00

Being in Canada I can get the snow if you don’t mind the Northern variety. I didn’t need that addition to the ‘gloo anyway. We call them ‘gloos for short.

phenotyp > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:00

Well... we gotta find some suppliers.

And customers.

And money.

The post I was looking for was something like an Oppo brain trust.

If y’all can figure out how to pay for it, I will 100% show you how to design cars.

Shmevans > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
03/05/2016 at 01:01

That’s a hell of a lot more than most of the people I used to work with. :(

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:02

Do you have need for a certified soccer referee?

phenotyp > d15b
03/05/2016 at 01:02

I would love to have a big dirty workshop with a bunch of old Porsches to desecrate.

d15b > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:03

Well...first and foremost, the big question is are we buying out an already existing dealership OR are we starting one in a new market, where the brand doesn’t exist.

d15b > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:03

Magnus Walker would like to have a word with you, lol.

Shmevans > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:04

You ever seen Wheeler Dealers? They make like $1500 per car. We flip 1000 cars in a year (combined) and we’re there. Our first car will clearly be so good we’ll be getting well over MSRP and it will just sustain itself.

d15b > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S.
03/05/2016 at 01:04

HR department, probably.

Shmevans > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S.
03/05/2016 at 01:07

Sounds like legal counsel to me. Or some kind of corporate image officer.

phenotyp > d15b
03/05/2016 at 01:08

In my perfect world, it’s Singer Derelicts. No regional markets, just the best of the best. The “brand” is one that is established, but very modified (tastefully and powerfully). MB? Sure, especially if it’s late-80s-early-90s. Porsche? Fuuuuuuckin A. Early Japanese luxo-cars? Like Acura, Lexus, Infiniti? Yeah, we can make something awesome from that.

phenotyp > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:10

The problem is the building part of the equation. Need a motherfuckin GREAT shop.

Sam > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:10

I can use Autodesk Alias Automotive to model the cars.

I can also detail cars. So I can give them the final shine once they are on their way to the customer.

d15b > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:11

Ah, so now we are becoming a bit of a coach builder. I like, I like..

phenotyp > d15b
03/05/2016 at 01:13

Who cares what the title is. Just build fuckin awesome stuff. Start by restoring and modifying. Turn it into small-run production.

I think this will involve building with carbon fiber. And nice leather.

Sam > Mercedes Streeter
03/05/2016 at 01:14

Your starting bonus, plus a little extra. I'm all out of steaks, so all I have is Trump Bucks.

Kinja'd!!!

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:17

Oooo ! Pick me ! I can chauffeur our ceo to business meetings in my S600 !

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:18

Architect/Designer/Draftsman, AWS 2G certified welder (MIG), TIG, metal fabrication, marketing and advertising job experience in industrial machinery.

(Also fluent in Spangleczech)

d15b > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:19

MG MGB as a starting platform. MMMMM.

Mercedes Streeter > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:19

I’ll take the ‘gloo instead! Be sure to ship it through Arizona...for science, of course. :)

Mercedes Streeter > Sam
03/05/2016 at 01:20

Are Trump Bucks legal to duplicate?

Shmevans > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches
03/05/2016 at 01:20

For a second I was picturing a Honda S600 and figured we’d need to put a limit on our CEO’s height.

phenotyp > d15b
03/05/2016 at 01:21

Riviera, Porsche, Mustang, Golf, ... Something like those.

Sam > Mercedes Streeter
03/05/2016 at 01:23

Nope. But Trump will build a wall around your house and make you pay for it with your Trump Bucks.

derf > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:24

Well, if Miss Merc has US IT operations sorted, I can help with the Canadian side. I’ve been wrangling various species of unix boxen and other server related miscellany for *mumblemumble* years.

I can’t help you design cars, but if you want one thrashed around an autoslalom course I’ll be glad to oblige (that’s Canuck-speak for autocross, for those south of the border).

Mercedes Streeter > Sam
03/05/2016 at 01:25

Well, that’s good that I don’t live in a house. :P Can he build a wall around my parents’ house instead?

d15b > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:25

A bespoke coach builder. I’m all over it, haha.

Sam > Mercedes Streeter
03/05/2016 at 01:26

That can be arranged. Man, Trump must have locked in the masonry unions’ vote.

phenotyp > d15b
03/05/2016 at 01:27

Call me when you've got the money.

derf > Mercedes Streeter
03/05/2016 at 01:28

Trump can build anything, as long as it’s being billed to Mexico.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:29

Lol... I got legroom for days

RallyWrench > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:30

This will never work. There’s no such thing as a diesel rotary LS, so what would we power our car with? Plus, some of us don’t even like brown, or wagons, or Miatas! I mean, I do, but I'm just saying... they're out there.

I still want in. 20 years in the industry here, as a European car tech, shop manager, and racing mechanic. So I'll work on the development side and spearhead the motorsports program to build the brand.

Shmevans > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:32

Didn’t the ‘States just pass a very helpful Kit Car law too? I remember a Jalopnik article a short while back.

derf > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:37

I have to say, “big dirty workshop with a bunch of old Porsches to desecrate” is both an excellent idea and a nice turn of phrase. Now I know what to answer the next time someone asks me what I want for Christmas.

RallyWrench > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:37

Are you thinking of the knowledge base project 505Turbeaux was working on? He no longer Oppos, but the post should be there.

RallyWrench > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 01:40

We could make a shitload just doing up old RWD Japanese sedans in VIP style. $2000 LS400+big wheels, bags, and window shades=profit.

phenotyp > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:42

Probably.

phenotyp > derf
03/05/2016 at 01:43

You and me both, then.

phenotyp > RallyWrench
03/05/2016 at 01:45

Possibly. It's been a while.

Wheelerguy > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 01:48

Can I be head of our motorsport arm?

phenotyp > derf
03/05/2016 at 01:58

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/http-img-gawke…

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/dream-project-…

Shmevans > RallyWrench
03/05/2016 at 02:01

Motorsports is a must. You’ll need to collab with Wheelerguy.

Shmevans > Wheelerguy
03/05/2016 at 02:01

Motorsports is a must. You’ll need to collab with TFritch.

phenotyp > RallyWrench
03/05/2016 at 02:03

Pillarless coupes are like the pinnacle of desire, for me. Soarers or the most goddamn amazing.

Shmevans > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 02:05

Awesome sketches. Also +1 for Mr. Robot mention in the Citroen post.

V6 or Bust > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 02:08

Ooh! Ooh! I’m a kid, so I know what the kids like! You need a youth marketing specialist, and I’m your guy!

phenotyp > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 02:09

Thanks. Just started (finally!) Mr Robot tonight. Fucking love it.

Shmevans > V6 or Bust
03/05/2016 at 02:10

Hired. We’ll talk about that whole V6 thing though...

Wheelerguy > RallyWrench
03/05/2016 at 02:11

Right, so we’ll be in GT3, LMP2, Touring Car, and WRC. Your call on the split.

Shmevans > phenotyp
03/05/2016 at 02:11

It’s awesome. I think my girlfriend and I watched the entire thing in one Saturday. It was a lot. But it was so good.

phenotyp > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 02:13

Yeah. Immediately hooked, in a good way.

Shmevans > V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches
03/05/2016 at 02:15

I just realized how incredibly Jalop it is to think of a Honda before a Mercedes when you read S600. WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 02:29

Engineer at your service. I imagine you might need some of us.

BvdV - The Dutch Engineer > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 03:24

Engineering / EU approval - having some experience with road approval and engineering, mostly electrical but also a bit of mechanical.

Experience: http://oppositelock.kinja.com/oppo-review-20…

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 03:33

You have reached peak jalop. Id love to find a cheap S600 Honda so I could have the pair

RWS Motorsport > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 05:33

I volunteer as official photographer. I have no qualifications that would be relevant to this, but i own a Mac, and some shiny camera shit so am clearly completely the best candidate for this.

also I have words, the best words, so I can write press releases and the like.

Also, the whole company will need to be UK based to work around these glowing qualities I can bring to OppoMotoro

RWS Motorsport > Wheelerguy
03/05/2016 at 05:34

Dont forget VLN, for all the Nurburgring based PR.

Wobbles the Mind > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 06:07

Whoo! So much excitement!

B. Music Composition and Theory-4 years High School TA, 1 year University TA.

3 years Sales and Merchandising for Premium/Artisan Deli Maker.

I can compose all audio used in presentations, commercials, notifications, and cautionary dings/whistles/tunes. I also have a background in determing and modifying the acoustical efficiency within spaces. I can be Oppo’s Yamaha to LFA guy.

Also a lot of focus in brand building for a premium deli product group. So catering is covered!

Director of Sound Design and Auditory Efficiency. Best use of a music degree ever!

Patrick Nichols > Sam
03/05/2016 at 06:37

I’ve got some HR and bookkeeping experience...

Everyone hand over your socials and mothers maiden name. For background checks and payroll.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 06:38

i’ll do the spare parts side of things in conjunction with EL_ULY.

Jdrentarol > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 06:46

Did you say name suggestions?

Fucktard Motors

Peoplegetmadfornoreason Motorsport

Idiotsandgeniusescoexist Motors

Dammitoppoiscorrupt Engines

Jdrentarol > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 06:49

I started a brand-new blog that is sorta popular and I am a really good writer. Also, I am an aspiring test driver, mechanic, or car designer (pick one, I am good at them all) who has designed this retro hatch

http://jdrentarol2.kinja.com/random-car-des…

Blog link

http://jdrentarol2.kinja.com/

Jdrentarol > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 06:50

But I love cars.

Wheelerguy > RWS Motorsport
03/05/2016 at 07:54

It’s got GT3 and Touring Car, so that base is covered.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 08:14

Oh, oh, I’m a huge fan of small Italian and French cars as well as other quirky cars (a la FIAT 500/FIAT 126/Citroën 2CV/Trabant/Japanese keis), so clearly I am perfect as head of the air-cooled department (DON’T YOU DARE SAY THERE IS NO PLACE FOR IT IN MODERN TIMES!!! >_> <_< >_>)

Also, clearly, as a fan of Italian cars, I know a thing or two about building a reliable automobile, so I also will selflessly volunteer for project lead on any reliability studies we need to do...

Kailand09 > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 08:35

MechE reporting for duty.

Not in automotive but skills transfer somewhat.

zeontestpilot > Shmevans
03/05/2016 at 11:15

Computer developer, professional high-fiver, and brings the social aspect to the office by improving morale. Also, I'm the weather scapegoat at the office. Bad weather? Just blame me.

RallyWrench > RWS Motorsport
03/05/2016 at 11:57

Of course, we'll need a professional photographer to make us look good.

deprecated account > Shmevans
03/06/2016 at 15:22

I’m decent with Photoshop so uhhhhhh branding?